Why is it so easy to us to hurt the people we love?
The answer is because we love them. When you love someone you know the good, the bad, and the ugly. You choose to be with that person regardless of who they were in the past or the things that they’ve done. But that means you’re exposed to everything. You know what makes them the happiest and you know the things they struggle with. You know their insecurities and you know what they feel their shortcomings are. Or if it’s your family, you didn’t choose them- they were given to you. Regardless, you know the in’s and out’s of this person. Because of that it’s almost impossible not to hurt them.
When something comes up and you start to argue with someone you love, you don’t struggle with what to say back to them like you would, perhaps, a stranger. You know exactly what to say to piss them off or throw something in their face, I, myself, will admit that I had fallen into the cycle of getting angry or upset, starting an argument, making it personal and purposely trying to hurt the other person. Unfortunately, that’s what arguments turn out to be these days. You can see it on social media…people attacking each other’s beliefs and making everything so personal. So…when you love someone and you know what makes them tick and you know what ticks them off, chances are you may end up hurting them whether you planned on it or not. Something may slip out. You might throw in their face that one thing that you know drives them absolutely crazy! Maybe you do it cause you’re mad and you want to hurt them in that moment. Maybe you do it cause you personally are feeling attacked and so the natural defense is to attack back. Or maybe you do it cause you want the person to just shut up. Better yet, you do it cause that’s just what you were exposed to growing up. NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON, stop hurting the people you love.
Stop throwing that jab that you know is going to deeply wound them. Have the self control to just walk away or end the argument before it starts. Don’t be that person that the one you love begins to not trust for fear of things being thrown in their face later. When you love someone you share way more than just mutual interests. You share your fears and doubts and struggles. And you need to be the person that your person feels safe to come to! As I write this, I am by no means saying that I do these things perfectly. I have both been a victim of this as well as been the one victimizing someone else. It’s not cute or funny or ok…its mean and it’s nasty and it needs to stop! It all comes down to self control. Have the self control to keep those mean comments to yourself. Have self control to not let your anger get the best of you. Have self control enough to love the person you love, even in anger.