Uncategorized, Wellness

Accountability Check-in

I feel like I’m being kind of dishonest with my readers (all 20-40 of you). I post a lot about things I have dealt with/still deal with and then I’ve posted about things I’ve overcome. I posted not that long ago about yoga and how much I loved and it changed my life. Well…I haven’t done yoga in about 2+ months. Frankly, I haven’t done much at all…

Being a full time student while working a full time job has really been kicking my butt. I go to work, come home, take a little break and then do homework for the rest of the night. Like, I’m not exaggerating at all. The only thing I really take time out of studying to do is cook dinner or clean up the house. But lately though I haven’t even really been doing much cleaning! Thank God my boyfriend is so amazing and helpful when it comes to keeping our house clean! I truly don’t know what I would do without him. Actually I do…I’d eat mac and cheese every day and live in a pig-pen.

I’ve been doing really well in school….I have a 4.0 right now! So I mean, that’s awesome. But I am still struggling. Some of the assignments are actually fun (never knew I’d be saying that). But some of them seem completely pointless and solely time consuming. I spend about 3+ hours a day doing homework…it is my life. But I work that hard during the week so I can have my weekends free, that is the only break I get. I’ve always liked having a busy schedule, and I truly do! But when I feel like all I do all day is eat, sleep and sit on my butt, I’m starting to get a little discouraged.

I don’t think I lost any weight while doing yoga, but I definitely toned up and that had me super excited and motivated to break out of the yoga studio and start lifting and getting fit. Well then my knees started bothering me. Then I didn’t have the money to sign up for the gym I wanted. Then I started school. Now I’m too busy to go to the gym. And even if I’m technically not too busy, I literally feel like I’m wasting my time if I’m not doing homework. I’m gaining weight because I sit at work for 8 hours then come home and sit again while I’m doing homework. I feel like I barely have time to shower and/or I’m literally too tired to do anything else other than go to sleep. I wake up still exhausted. I barely have the motivation to do my makeup anymore (which makes me just as shocked as it makes you)! I just feel like a lump. That is the best way to describe me right now.

In addition to all that, the holidays are coming up…my favorite time of year!! But as I’ve gotten older, it’s started to become more stressful. I don’t make as much as I want. And right now I am a temp (which hopefully will be changing sooner rather than later…fingers crossed!!!) which means I don’t get paid holidays or paid days off. That wasn’t really an issue until now. I have a mandatory 5 unpaid days off for a time of year where my favorite thing to do is buy people things. I also live 10+ hours away from home and like to get to visit my family every once in a while. So that means taking more unpaid days off to travel to Vermont. Which also means either paying for a plane ticket or gas money. Which means I have to charge my credit card because like I said, I don’t have as much money as I’d like. And that also means not only am I spending money, I’m spending money while I’m not making it. My ULTIMATE stressor.

I know not everything is always rainbows and sunshine. I also know that there are people WAY worse off than I and I should be thankful that I have a family that loves me that I get to spend the holidays with. I’m not writing this for sympathy or as a pity party. I’m writing this to keep it real with y’all. This blog has specifically been about me being honest with myself and my readers. And honestly, I’m tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I work really hard and yet I don’t feel that I get rewarded the way I should. I really hate being an adult sometimes. Life is hard!! It’s fun at times, exciting and new, but also exhausting and stressful.

I wish all of you happy holidays! I wish all of you joy and happy memories. I hope that any tragedy that overshadows your life may be overpowered by good memories. But if you’re not quite in the holiday spirit. If you’re a little anxious about it, just know you’re not alone. We can try to focus on our blessings together! We can focus on the good and know that everything happens for a reason and it’ll all work out in the end. Cliche after cliche, but nonetheless somewhat comforting.

Xoxo,

Mo

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me

Better than…

My car is nicer and newer. I make more money. My house is bigger. My clothes are designer. I don’t shop there cause it’s too cheap. I would never wear that. I would never go to that neighborhood….

Ever heard anyone say any of those things? Ever said those things yourself? Have you ever even thought those things? Maybe you know someone who acts that way without even saying those words. I think we can say yes to at least one of those questions. And that’s maybe not “ok”, but it’s human. It’s almost impossible to go through life with such tunnel vision that you don’t even notice the people around you. And sometimes when you notice other people you might look at where you are and where they are and compare yourself. Maybe it’s not an issue for you. Maybe it’s a huge issue for you. For me, I don’t struggle with thinking “I’m better than them,” I struggle with thinking “they are better than me…”

I compare myself to just about everyone. It’s a huge weakness I have. I compare my apartment to other people’s. I compare what kind of car I have and what my friends drive. I compare how my hair or makeup looks with other girls. I compare my relationships with other people’s. I absolutely compare my body with all those Instagram models out there. It’s terrible!! For someone who already struggles with self worth, insecurities and self confidence, it makes every single day a mental battle. Very rarely do I look at anyone and think, “well I have this and they don’t and therefore I’m better….” If anything I look at someone and think “wow, why am I not like that??”

I think I struggle with jealousy as well and that’s where comparing comes into play. I feel like some people don’t have to work as hard as I do and they get better things in their life. Someone who has a better car than me or someone who goes on all kinds of trips. All things that I would love to be able to do, but can’t. And I feel like…why are they better at life than me?? Clearly they’re doing something I’m not to be so far ahead of me!! But jealousy is a whole other topic I can touch on at a later date. Right now I’m just trying to explain what it’s like for someone like me to see everything that everyone else has and for me to never see myself as “better than” them. And that can be just as dangerous to someone’s psyche as thinking they are better than anyone else.

I can walk into a room and scan the room for other females and hope to not find any attractive ones for fear that they are prettier than me or have a better body than me and HEAVEN FORBID my boyfriend notice them and think they’re better than me and what to be with them not me. See how quickly that escalated? I wish I was being dramatic, but those are my real thoughts. I can look at a girl my age in stylish clothes and think, “why the heck can’t I put myself together like that?” I get jealous of my 70 year old boss’s style!!! (Ok so it’s a running joke that’s she’s 70…she’s really only 50-something, but she is the most fabulous grandma I have ever met!)

I guess I do somewhat struggle with thinking I’m a tad better than people cause I can look at someone at work every day and think “Ooo they shouldn’t have worn that…that looks terrible!” or “They look like they haven’t washed their hair all week…” and then see the car they drive and think, “How in the world do they drive THAT and I drive THIS?” Sometimes my little blue Ford Focus doesn’t look as sweet next to a brand new Audi…

It’s totally impossible to go through your life and never once compare yourself to someone else, whether it be negatively towards them or yourself! But what IS possible is going through life and knowing your worth. Knowing that your struggle is no better or worse than anyone else’s. Knowing that we are all individuals that have come from different backgrounds and going different places. We were all made to be younique. Comparing yourself to someone is like trying to figure out which snowflake you like the best: they’re all beautiful in their own way and every single one of them is different. As I’ve been going through this life of mine for 24 years and struggled with comparing what I have to what the guy/girl next door has, I have learned this: people aren’t better than anyone else, they’re just different…with different goals, different paths and different priorities. Stay humble and own the path you choose, whatever that may be.

Xoxo,

Mo

me

Here’s to New Adventures…

Hello everyone. If any of you have been paying close attention (which I don’t expect you to) I had been posting every other Wednesday for maybe a month. All of that came to a screeching halt last week. Why? Because I did this crazy thing. I became a full time student again! (Cue the gasps). 

Last Wednesday was supposed to be my day to drop something, but I think I stayed up til about 11:00 at night working on school work after working all day. This whole being a full time student while working a full time job terrifies me. I was to give props to anyone who works and goes to school and has kids! I can barely take care of myself! I had to go through a drive through just because I literally did not have time to go home and cook myself anything. That and I was so hungry I thought I was going to pass out. Taco Bell might appreciate me before this course is over… 

But anyways, here I am taking three classes at once which qualifies me as a full time student while working 40 hours a week. Normally I didn’t have a lot going on after work so it’s not like I didn’t have time to take this on, I guess. Tonight I just completed my first week and I have already decided that my goal is to accomplish as much school work during the week as possible so that I can still have a weekend. So essentially I am going to do it the opposite way I did in college. So far it’s working…who knew!?

What makes all of this just a little scarier is the reason why I’m doing this. I have a great job right now and every day I am fortunate to have been given the chance to work at such a great company. But it is not ever what I thought I would be doing. I have a Bachelors in Pre-Law and I’m working at an engineering company. That proves two facts: 1) you never know where life will take you and 2) getting your “dream job” after college isn’t as easy as it should be. 

The position I have at this billion dollar company is an entry level position. I had never done anything like it before. I got the job through a temp agency I had joined just a few weeks before. Like I said, it fell into my lap and I feel extremely lucky! But why is it that I can get a job that I’ve never done anything like before but I can’t get a job that I went to school for? That is the question that will haunt me for a long time.

Since my sophomore year in college, I was pretty sure I wanted to be a paralegal. I don’t really know anyone who is a paralegal, but after my internship at the State’s Attorney’s’ Office in Middlebury, VT, I knew that I did not want to be a lawyer or go to law school, but I did want to be in that environment. So becoming a paralegal became my goal. My last year of college I took many electives from other schools specifically about becoming a paralegal to better myself for the future. It didn’t matter. I don’t know if I was looking in the wrong places or I wasn’t doing the right thing, but for YEARS, I got no looks from any law offices or positions I applied for. I didn’t even get an email back from most places. So I stopped looking. I settled to be a server for far too long and gave up hope….to some extent. I was sick of hearing no, or not even hearing anything at all. I didn’t understand why my PRE-LAW degree wasn’t enough for these positions whose requirements were associates degrees. 

I started to wonder if my qualifications were too broad. Unless they looked into my actual transcript, they would have no idea how much experience I actually had. I even had a letter of recommendation from a State Attorney, but apparently that wasn’t enough either. So last year I knew I wanted to go back to school and finally get my paralegal certificate. It had been on my bucket list for years, but if Ihad gotten a job without having to go back to school, that would have been the ideal situation. But that didn’t happen. And I needed to make myself more marketable as well as more qualified. So here I am…getting that damn certificate!!

There are a few things that make me still a little nervous though.What if I spend all this time and money taking these classes and no one wants me still? What if for some reason they don’t want to hire me because I’m over qualified and they don’t want to pay me more? I really don’t want this to all be for a waste. There is no real guarantee this is going to work. I only have hopes and dreams at this point. And then there is the fact that I should have been able to get a job without even going through this and that will forever haunt me. I know someone who knows someone who is a paralegal and she went to school for health administration. And she has my dream job! And she didn’t even try!!! Why?? Family in the law field. It’s not fair. I still struggle with knowing that and knowing I’m getting $10,000 more tacked on to my student loans to be more “qualified” to work a job I know damn well I could already be doing. It’s hard. And to make matters worse, this week I got a response from a professor to my introduction post in the discussion forum online saying that she was amazed I didn’t have a job already as the best paralegal she had was a pre-law degree holder. 

Because of those things I find I’m struggling to stay positive. It seems like I shouldn’t have to be doing this. BUT I am bettering myself. I am going above and beyond to get where I want to go in life. I wouldn’t consider myself someone with a lot of drive. I don’t have a ton of crazy big goals. I am so NOT the vision board type. I live day to day and simply hope I can make it through without taking a nap! Even with my doubts and my slight lack of positivity, I remain that much more motivated to get this done and over with. It is only 9 months of my life. I can do it. And I will do my absolute best….I don’t settle for mediocrity. While I go on this adventure, I would appreciate all the prayers and positive vibes and encouragement any of you have. This is SO out of. my comfort zone. My biggest hope is that one day this all pays off and I can do what i am so passionate about….save the world one case at a time.

Xoxo,

Mo

Uncategorized

2017 ft. Political Debates

First of all, let me start off by saying this is NOT going to contain tons of my personal opinions on specific social and political matters. What this is going to be is my opinions on how people handle the goings on of this world right now with all these avenues of social media. It’s not about WHAT opinions are it’s about HOW and WHY they are shared. I am not writing this argumentatively in the least and simply hope that after reading this, you think twice about how you react to things.

I heard on the radio a while back that 2017 was the year everyone had an opinion and everything offended everyone. Never had I ever heard something so damn true. It’s ridiculous really. We have all lost a friend or two based off of an opinion they had or a post they shared or a reaction they had to a current event. As I write this I can think of more than a handful of people I have either unfollowed or blocked because of their blatant ignorance or how they CONSTANTLY argued. I don’t care what you’re talking about, but if all you ever do is complain and argue on social media…BYE! It’s so silly though that we literally lose friends over political views and opinions. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s not exactly what the opinion is that turns me off, it’s how they deliver that opinion or view to the world. I believe there is a right and a wrong way. I also believe that not all opinions need to be shared “just because you can.” And I’ll be the first one to admit I have probably done it the wrong way more than the right way…but here goes…

How many of you have been scrolling on Facebook, seen an article, read it and then agreed with it (or disagreed with it) and posted it to prove your point? All of you? That’s what I thought! But how many of you check where this information is coming from? How many of you look to see if this is even a reputable source? I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen “So and So celebrity said this about Vermont”….no they didn’t. There’s real fake news out there. Posting dramatic news articles that aren’t even true is a perfect way to a)c confuse people and b) start and argument. I urge you all that if you feel the need to share your opinion, at least use real facts and truths instead of those “alternative facts” Trump crap!!

Along the same lines of sharing random articles, ask yourself: why am I doing this? There’s this saying I like called “stirring the pot” and I see you out there. Yes you. I know you’re a pot stirrer, you know you’re a pot stirrer. Stop it. Stop posting articles or screenshots to bring about nothing but drama and anger and fighting!! What is the point?? What do you get out of inciting anger into people and causing beefs over the Internet? Are you really that bored that you need to be entertained by arguments? Or are you just so negative that you can’t help but bring people down with you? Don’t be someone who seeks out those memes or posts that you KNOW are going to get people going. How is that helping anyone? Like seriously…I want you to tell me how that is helping anyone. There is enough drama and negativity in the world without someone out there trying to get everyone riled up.

So to be clear, I’m not saying that sharing your opinion is a bad thing. I mean this whole this is my opinion on opinions (it’s truly a conundrum). I think it’s great that some people are super passionate about certain things…even if I don’t agree with those things. I, myself, chose to stay out of most political, religious and social topics. I don’t like to argue with people especially if they’re going to come back with a dumb argument that’s not backed by anything….and there are a lot of dumb arguments out there. I’ve shared my opinions on certain things before and have been able to have very real conversations with people about things and it opens their eyes and my eyes, but those are few and far between. I have had to block people from my page just to get them to shut up!! I don’t always want to have a discussion about everything I post! Sometimes I just want to share it. And if you read it, awesome. I wasn’t asking for opposing opinions, maybe I just wanted to share mine. I actually commented on a girls post kind of asking about the post and she told me that I didn’t need to comment…she just wanted to post it! I was like uhhhmmmmm unless you turn off commenting, any post on Facebook is fair game! But is that fair? Is it fair to want to post your opinion and not want any back? It sure would be nice sometimes, that’s for sure! Is it even fair of me to be posting THIS, which is one giant opinion about people sharing opinions? Who knows. Maybe you’re sitting there thinking I’m the most hypocritical person in the world cause you’ve seen me post opinions and argue and blah blah blah. And to that I direct you back to the part of this post where I say “I have probably done things the wrong way more than the right way.”

But what I have learned is that social media should NEVER be personal (unless you’re tagged…obvi). When people post these outlandish things that I completely disagree with, they didn’t post them to personally offend me or piss me off. They’re not over there thinking“I really hope Moriah sees this and it gets her going!!” They’re not even talking directly at me…so I can KEEP SCROLLING and choose not to respond. What a concept!!!!! I can actually read something, disagree, and choose to ignore it! Shocking, I know! Just like I believe not every opinion needs to be shared, I also believe that not every post needs to be commented on.

Social media is a whole other topic of evil. It breaks of up friendships, relationships, causes trust issues and drama, creates an easy avenue for disloyalty and saying what you shouldn’t behind the keys of your computer. I will most likely address all of those things at some point, but for right now I am just trying to say that social media is not always the best way to stand on your soap box. Some of us don’t care to be a part of the constant negativity of this world. There are some days I just avoid all social media because it’s FILLED with people arguing and hating each other. The world is depressing. There are sad things happening out there all the time in all parts of the world. Maybe you think I’m insensitive or ignorant for not wanting to be a part of every movement or cause…and that’s ok. This whole NFL debate means nothing to me in a sense that I’m not going to waste a single second talking about my point of view on it on social media because half of you only care about it because it’s a trending issue. So many “super-patriots” coming out of the woodwork. People who don’t even watch football commenting on things acting like they know all about it. Like why? Why do you feel the need to be a part of something. Just live your life, be a decent human being and stand for what you believe in without having to post about it every single chance you get. It’s ok to have face to face conversations about current issues. It’s ok to not take part in political or social issues on Facebook. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about the world if you’re not tweeting about it. Stop stirring the pot. Stop over sharing. Stop keeping things going that aren’t going anywhere. Stop posting articles from non-reputable sources. Try sharing happiness and love and accomplishments and positivity. Try finding something you can post to build each other up instead of dividing people. Try looking through a different lens and open your eyes and hearts to other people and their feelings. If we all focused as much on lifting people up as we did debating things we can’t change, the world would be a completely different place. Just think about it…

Xoxo,
Mo

Wellness

72 Hours

There are 168 hours in a week.

Let’s say you work a full-time job (40 hours a week) and sleep 8 hours a night (56 hours a week), what are you doing with the other 72 hours?

That right there is taken directly from Facebook off of my boyfriend’s wall. (shameless shout-out to the handsome TJ Peatross, my boyfriend, and official writer/reporter, for neohiospotlight.com…go check out his website when you’re done enjoying mine!)

Ok back to the post…what an amazing question he asked that I truly believe should cause everyone to stop and think. I’m not talking about like “oh wow that’s a fun fact..”, i’m talking “oh wow…I have 72 free hours in my week and what do I actually spend that quality time doing with my life?”

Until recently I was a server and wasn’t full time anything. I worked probably about 30 hours a week, all of which were nights and weekends. I would be up til 1-2am (cause it’s virtually impossible to fall right to sleep after a busy night of serving), then sleeping in until noon, relaxing for a little bit then getting ready to go to work again. The weekends were even worse cause if I worked a double I’d work from 12-10 and who wants to do anything after all that!? Or I would sub (I forgot to mention I was also a substitute teacher for about 2 years) and then go directly to my job and that means I would have worked from 7:30am to 10pm, give or take. While on that schedule I didn’t do a damn thing during my time off! I just wanted to relax and lounge around. I didn’t do anything productive with those 72 hours or so left. And ironically I found myself very unhappy those years of working those hours. It wasn’t even about being too busy to do fun things, It was about being too exhausted and stressed to be able to enjoy anything else.

Well now things have changed! I now work full time and I LOVE it! I haven’t had weekends off like, ever! I would always have to work holidays and if I wanted to do something in the evenings or over the weekend, I had to make sure I knew about it two weeks in advance so I could ask for it off. Now I come home and sit there thinking, “I have so much time…what can I do today!” Now,I

I’m someone who values sleep A LOT! So in reality when I get home at 4 I have about 6 hours cause a girl has got to get her beauty sleep!! If I want to function and be a kind human being, I need my sleep! Normally I would just take naps, but that is such a misuse of my 72 hours. My new goal is to not take naps and to use my free time wisely. That sounds so silly, I know. I’m 23 and I’m saying I need to use self-control to not nap. My 5 year old self would never believe this.

In my 72 hours I want to be more me. I want to spend more time doing things that make me happy. I want to go for walks and take pictures of the scenery. I want to go shopping with friends and finding new places. I want to get dinner and drinks with my boyfriend and grow my relationship with him. I want to write more. I want to find more passions and run with them! I have always wanted to start yoga. (Crazy thing is…when I originally wrote this, didn’t know anything about yoga. I’ve now been doing yoga for 4 months!!) If I had the funds I would love to get back into singing and take voice lessons! Now that I have nights off I could start doing musicals again. I could take cooking classes or dancing classes…the options are limitless! I’ve spent far too many years feeling frustrated with where my life is or isn’t going that I don’t want to allow that to control me anymore. I’ve allowed my fear of failure to stop me from trying new things. I haven’t allowed myself to be happy because honestly I was lazy. But that stops now! I have 72 hours to be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do…and I want that to be great! So think about it…what do you want your 72 hours to look like?

Xoxo,

Mo

(I am adding this to the end because I am proud to announce that many of those 72 hours will soon be used for studying as I am going back to school to get my paralegal certificate. I also plan to start going to the gym more regularly as yoga has become a gateway to fitness for me! I am so happy that since I had written this, I have already made so many changes to my free time! Hopefully you can read this and be motivated to do the same thing!!)

Uncategorized

Presentation is Everything

Presentation. It is literally everything in life. What makes you want to buy a burger at a restaurant? Other than the fact that burgers are AHMAZING, it could be because of that giant picture they posted in the menu with the meaty cheese and colorful veggies. Why might you risk the extra calories to get that huge piece of chocolate cake? Maybe because it is shown with swirls of chocolate and whip cream. Why do we want fancy cars? Cause they look fancy and rich!! And there’s nothing wrong with wanting something that looks nice or is well presented. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to present yourself in a nice way either. But what you might not realize, is that presentation is everything. Whether or not that burger actually looks like the picture once you get it, it attracted you. Whether or not that cake was super dry and flavorless doesn’t mean you didn’t look at that picture and want it. Just because you portray yourself a certain way, doesn’t mean that is necessarily exactly who you are. Which is why you need to make sure you’re presenting yourself in a way that truly represents who you are.

Business presentation. I think people these days forget about how important it is for you to present yourself in a professional manner…if you’re going into a professional position. I want tattoos. I want piercings, but I don’t always get them where I want to because I know that going into the legal field they might not want someone with all kinds of tattoos. I know it is 2017, and I would like to think that we are past these sort of things being a real issues, but I also don’t want to jeopardize any chance I have getting my dream job. I see so many people these days that don’t think about that. Young kids getting tattoos all over their bodies. Getting all kinds of facial piercings and they have no idea what they might be doing to their future. Also social media…if you are constantly posting videos of you drunk or smoking or out at clubs constantly, that might not be a good look. Despite what your privacy settings are and despite you “not being friends with” your employer, there are ways! Trust me..I have lived them. I have been targeted and had my social media used against me. But I have also been reckless and posted things I shouldn’t have and paid for it. So take my advice- present yourself as someone an employer would be proud of.

Personal presentation. To me the most important presentation is of yourself. How do you present yourself online? How do you present yourself to co workers? How do you present yourself to the world? I’m not saying worry about what everyone thinks of you, but perhaps keep it in the back of your mind. Not in a sense that people need to understand you or that all of their opinions are of the utmost importance, but how they see you can definitely affect your future! You might not get a job because of how you presented yourself at the interview. You might not date the guy you wanted to date because of how you portrayed yourself on the first date. Maybe the guy who always liked you changed his mind when he saw how you acted on Snapchat. Maybe you lose your job because of something you said on Twitter. That might sound silly, but I’ve seen it happen. I have seen girls complain about the men that they date and how they treat them like crap and I just want to scream “IT’S NOT JUST THEM IT’S YOU!!!” Think about it. If you present yourself as a very sexual object, that is the type of man you are going to attract. Men with class and respect aren’t going to want to waste their time with you. I say this because I know this from experience.

I struggled with feeling ugly my entire life until one day I went to college and woke up and it was like whoa why are men paying attention to me!? I was very innocent….like VERY. And I was also too trusting and pretty naive…aka dumb! I started getting the attention I had always wanted. So I started to feed into it. I slowly but surely pushed my boundaries until there weren’t any anymore. I wouldn’t say I walked around campus with a shirt on that said “give me the D,” but I found out later that i definitely had a reputation. And being at a Christian college, that made the reputation 10 times worse. Girls were coming to me saying they heard I’d slept with all these guys that I’d never even been with! Anyways…I played into any attention I could get. I will be the first one to say that I was easy at the time. I was desperate for the attention I felt like I never got and I wanted to soak it all up. I wanted to feel wanted. However, due to the fact that Ipresented myself as convenient, I was NEVER the only girl. Not once…not until the official start of my current relationship. And everything I put myself through has messed me up for years. I am paying for the damage those guys caused me, but I know that it is also on me. I let them use me. I’d say I even wanted to be used…until I didn’t. But at that point it was almost too late. I had a reputation. The damage was done. The guys on campus never saw me as girlfriend material and my real hope of finding a boyfriend was crush.

During those years, some of my extended family took it upon themselves to get in contact with me and my family. They would send me emails in which they essentially called me a whore or promiscuous. My uncle actually toldl me that I looked like a prostitute on Facebook. Now…they were completely in the wrong for saying that and I didn’t agree AT ALL. But that just goes to show just how serious how you present yourself can be. I didn’t think I posted anything wrong on Facebook, but they literally showed me pictures of mine and told me their interpretation. I knew my motives behind the innocent selfies and the pictures with my girlfriends. I knew that yes, I was struggling with handling the relationships I had. And it hurt, but it didn’t affect my life. They’re no longer a part of my life and that’s on them. I didn’t change how I presented myself on social media, it just opened my eyes to just how open to interpretation things you post online can be! It was shocking to say the least. But due to my experience with men, I know I hadn’t known my worth and I wasn’t presenting myself as the great girl I knew deep down that i was.

Presentation is everything. I’ve almost lost jobs due to what i’ve posted online. I’ve been called slutty for posting pictures with cleavage showing. I was the “other woman” more times than not because I didn’t show I was worth anything. I hold responsibility for all these things, but that doesn’t meant what everyone else has said and done has been right either. The bottom line is, if I had believed in myself and been confident in who I was, I would have naturally presented myself that way. I think things would have been a lot different for me if I had presented myself differently. And I think that things could be different for you if you take a step back and ask yourself: how do I present myself? Am I constantly negative? Do I come across as unapproachable? Do I seem desperate? Am I showing myself as someone who deserves all the best in life? Or am I settling and allowing myself to be used cause I don’t think I can do better? Presentation is everything…so present yourself like the king or queen that you are go out there and kill it!

Xoxo,

Mo

Wellness

Namaste.

Yoga.
When you read that word, what comes to mind?

When I was younger I thought yoga was for weird, organic, granola-crunchy people who worshiped the earth and Mother Nature. I thought it was for tiny little rich put together women that were too dainty to go to a gym and sweat. I thought of women in a park saying “oooooom” with their legs crossed on their mats. And maybe some of the people who do practice yoga carry some of those characteristics, but I have learned SO much more about the practice and about myself in the past few months.

I can’t pinpoint a time where I was like “Yes! I want to start doing yoga!!” But suddenly I found myself wanting to try it. I had gotten over my childish views of yoga, but I still hadn't fully grasped what it would really be like. I just knew that part of yoga was about relaxation and meditation. I’m not someone who likes to run or go to the gym and get on a treadmill. I’m also intimidated by the strong men and girls with perfect bodies over in the weight section of the gym so that wasn’t an option either. And I definitely didn't want to be one of those weirdos in jeans (it’s a joke) that only uses the machines cause I didn’t know what I was doing. Zumba took off when I wasn't in college but I wasn’t too good at organized “dancing.” So…yoga!

When I finally decided to go and when I finally found someone that I could go with (shout out to you, you know who you are!!), I walked in thinking it was going to be a lot of ‘oooooms’ and slow moving poses that you held for a while and then moved on. I didn't think it was going to be a crazy work out or that I would leave dripping in sweat. I certainly did not think I was going to be sore the next day….or 4. Boy was I wrong!!

My first time at yoga was a MESS!! I hadn't realized how weak I actually was. My muscles were tight, my strength was at an all time low and my poor wrists were not used to holding up my full sized 5’10” body! But amongst all the heavy breathing and flopping to the mat, I realized quickly that I was going to love this practice. I loved that I had a real human being who knew what they were doing there in the room with me that I could ask questions to and that could help align me. I loved that it wasn’t perhaps as rigorous as a gym workout but it was still intense enough to break a sweat and get my heart rate up. But maybe what I loved the most was the acceptance I felt from everyone in the room. I had never felt so comfortable in my own skin and my own strength, however weak it may have been.

I used to think that yoga was for a certain type of person or a certain body type or even a certain age. Over the past three months I have practiced with old and young, big and small, male and female. I have practiced with girls who obviously knew what they were doing and then girls that looked at me to mirror my work. I have learned so much about the whole art of yoga and loved every part of it.

What I didn't really notice coming into this was that in yoga there is a huge focus on breath. You start off the class slow so you can find your breath and your resting heart rate. From there every movement can be cued by breath. You breathe in for cow and breathe out for cat. You slow your breath down in child's pose to regain control after doing rounds of warriors and three legged dogs. At the end (which is everyone’s favorite part, only second to china gel), you lay on your back with your arms out, palms up for Shavasana- the final resting pose. During that time you empty your mind of everything. The overall goal during yoga is to focus on nothing but your breathing because when you focus on that, you really can’t focus on anything else. So while you are in that final resting pose you are supposed to be as still as possible and think about nothing but positivity. That was the hardest part of yoga for me. The poses are tough, the sweat gets in the way, the soreness of my body slows me down, but focusing on nothing but my breath is my biggest challenge.

What some of you might not know is that I have a tattoo on my side that says breathe. I got that tattoo years ago because whenever I would get in my head and start stressing about something I had to remind myself to breathe. I’ve had panic attacks and the only way to stop having a panic attack to focus on your breath. And whenever I was upset my boyfriend would comfort me by telling me that it was going to be ok and to just breathe. There were so many reasons behind the tattoo, and now it feels even more meaningful to me now as I continue to practice yoga.

My goal is to get stronger- physically, mentally and spiritually. Physically I have certainly noticed changes! My legs are starting to look nicer and more defined while my arms…well I found I had this cool muscle called a tricep!! I also have more stamina to work through all the physicality of an hour of yoga without feeling like I was going to die 10 minutes into class. Spiritually I have found myself becoming in tune with who I am. And maybe to some of you that sounds like a bunch of hullabaloo, but it’s the truth. I spend an hour thinking of nothing but the air i'm breathing! If that doesn't give you a better appreciation for life and the One who gave it to you then I don’t know what does! It makes me thankful to have the body that I have. Yoga reminds me how amazing the human body is and just how miraculously it works together to allow us to move. As for mentally, I have gotten a whole new outlook on myself. I feel more confident than ever in my body! Don't get me wrong, it’s not perfect and I am nowhere near as healthy as I should be, but I’m proud. Im proud of myself for trying something new. Im proud of myself for sticking with it and not giving up. And I’m SO happy with the small results that I see that it actually makes me want to do even more with my fitness and well being. It’s going to be a long road before I can give up mac and cheese and pizza, but at least I am active a few times a week when before the most active thing I did was walk from my car and up the stairs to my desk!

Yoga.
When I hear that word now I smile and I get excited because it is one of the first things I have ever done for myself that has actually helped grow. It has made me more aware of who I am and what I can do. It has boosted my self confidence and yet at the same time showed me areas that need improvement. Yoga is an exercise that I actually look forward to and don’t dread. And what makes everything even better is how people support me while I do this. My parents and my boyfriend are so proud of me for doing this and that means the world to me!

So if there is something out there that you have wanted to try but just haven’t found the time yet, DO IT! Budget it out so you can afford it. Schedule your week so that you can fit it in. Stop making excuses and just do it!!! (I am not being paid by Nike to say that…although it would be nice if I was.) It took me 2 years to try something new!! I get the nerves and I get the doubts! But trust me…it will all be worth it in the end! So go “unroll your mat” and just see where that takes you!

Namaste,

Mo

friends, Love, Uncategorized

To the Best Friend that Never Lasted…

I’ve seen these all over Facebook, so I decided I would do my own. Here goes:

Dear Best Friend,

     I miss you. There truly was a time when I thought we would stay friends forever. We would be in each other’s wedding. Our kids would grow up playing together and be best friends just like us. We would have book club together- sip on some wine and gossip together about our old friends and where they ended up. A lot of things would have changed in our lives, but not our friendship.

     I envisioned us going off to college and then getting into trouble over the summers in between. Or if we didn’t meet until college, I saw us partying all the time on the weekends and making hilarious memories that we would never forget. We would truly live for the nights that we can’t remember with the people that we won’t forget. And we did. We did that. But then the whole growing up and changing thing got in the way. You were more concerned with partying and meeting new men when I was starting a new relationship and trying to grow up. Or maybe I was too busy focusing on my new relationship that I let us die. Maybe I let issues of the past or insecurities creep up and never got over some things. We realized we each had different priorities and stopped making sure we included each other . Or maybe neither one of us did anything wrong, we just grew…apart.

     You have a new best friend now. She stole my title. I feel like the jealous ex-girlfriend who is wondering what she has that I didn’t. Why she is worth your time and and I wasn’t? Sounds silly, really. But I guess that’s what happens when someone finds a best friend. You love them like a sister, fight with them like a boyfriend and stick up for them like they’re family. So it sucks waking up and realizing that you’re not that person anymore. I will never have a chance of being your maid of honor. We will never go on a double date with our husbands. I won’t have you to call when I find out I’m pregnant. You won’t bring me over ice cream when i’m having a bad day. I will never vacation to florida with you with our kids. There are so many nevers, but I wish you well, still.

     No matter what happened or where we are now, I wish you the best. We probably had a fight or fell out somehow, but I still wish I was there for you. I still wish we could go back to those college weekends and play beer pong together on more time. I wish we could have one more bonfire or jump in the lake late one summer night. Most importantly I wish I could still call you or text you at any time and know you would answer. It’s hard not having that one person to call randomly and vent to or someone to text anything that pops into your mind. I wish there was still the prospect of our kids knowing each other and building a bond that we once had…but that’s not real anymore.

     One day you were a huge part of my life and I never knew what I would do without you. Now I’ve been without you for years and I’ve survived, but it still sucks. If you’re reading this and you know you used to be best friend at one point (Lord knows there’s a lot of you cause I never seemed to be able to keep a “best friend”), I want to take this time to apologize for any pain I may have caused you. I want to let you know that the times I had with you were truly some of the best. I want you to know that I still think about our memories and laugh to myself. I still tell our stories to people that I am friends with now. And if I was the reason we grew apart, I wish I hadn’t. If the reason we stopped talking was because I was bad at keeping in touch, I believe it, and I’m sorry. If you used to be my best friend, I love you. You will always have a spot in my heart and if you were ever in trouble and you called on me, I wouldn’t hesitate to be there. I hope your life is everything you dreamed of and more. If I was only meant to be a small part of it, then I’m honored to have at least gotten that much. You’re beautiful and strong and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not. Maybe one day our paths with cross again. So maybe it’s not that we never lasted; maybe it’s just a gap in our story…only time will tell.

Xoxo,

Mo

    

Uncategorized

Just Want to be Heard

     I talk a lot. When I’m happy. When I’m mad. When I’m frustrated. When I’m hurt…I talk about it. I talk about my feelings and how people’s actions affect me. I almost always let people know when they have done something that hurt my feelings or that I didn’t think is right. It’s terrible. I have always felt that overly opinionated people are so unnecessary, but I find myself being exactly that. When I was in college, and even now, when I would post something on Facebook it would drive me crazy when my mother would give her input on something I didn’t ask for opinions on. But yet I’ve always admired that she stuck up for herself, was never afraid to share an uncommon opinion or defend what she believes in. But where is the line? Where is the line between speaking up for yourself and how you feel, and talking too much? When should you keep those opinions to yourself? When do you go beyond sharing and into over-sharing? And above all else, why do you do it? Over the past few years I have realize a TON about myself. I think I have learned these things because I’ve been in a relationship….my first and only real relationship. I’ve learned what love is, what trust should be and what good communication is. Let me rephrase that….I am STILL learning what love is, what trust should be and what good communication is. And let me tell you: it is not all as easy at is sounds! Not for me anyways…

     I’ve talked about trust many times before and I’m sure I will talk about love eventually, but this post is about communication. I’ve always thought I was a good communicator. I’m very aware of my feelings (as I think I have ten times more than the average female) and I felt that I was always good at identifying what I’m feeling and why. I would rather have a hard conversation about my feelings with someone and work out the issue than sit there and sweep my feeling under the rug and fake that everything is ok. I would rather sit you down and say “hey…I don’t know if you know this, but you’ve been doing this and it bothers me (or hurts me, etc.).” My reasoning behind that is that they might not have any idea what they’re doing is affecting me so…I should let them at least know and give them the chance to change that! If I was doing something that was hurting someone and I didn’t know it, I for sure would want someone to tell me so I could have the opportunity to stop before I pushed them away completely! But no one is perfect and we’re always going to be doing something that someone else doesn’t agree with. So here’s the question of where that line is again…when is it sticking up for yourself and expressing your feelings and when is it being too sensitive and not being able to let something go?? 

     So like I said…I always thought I was brave for being able to communicate my feelings so well (so I thought) and then I started dating someone who doesn’t like to talk about feelings and would rather let it go than sit and talk about every little thing. I think we’re both in the wrong to some extent. I think that I am easily offended and take things personally too easily which leads to 10 times more stupid conversations about little things that don’t need to happen! I also think that being someone who doesn’t want to talk about things and would rather sweep them under the rug will one day be detrimental because eventually the dust under the rug is going to become a mountain and you will kick ALL of it out because it’s almost impossible to hold everything in. So not only are the two of us complete opposites in that regard, we also don’t have the best control over our feelings.

     The reason this is all coming up is because of what happened last night. I was upset over something that wasn’t a big deal. I then blew it up into something it didn’t need to be and suddenly allll my feelings were spewing out of me. I have been trying very hard to keep my emotions in check, but lately I’ve been stressed with money, work, I’ve been busy almost every day and it just caught up to me. Not saying it was right for me to explode the way I did, but we all have days when it’s just a little too much to keep in…but it was the third day in the row for me. I’m not going to get into what the fight/cry session (for me, not him!) was about. I’m not going to go into what was said and who said what. But what I realized after it was all said and done is that when I was laying in bed, still crying (cause I am a crier) and trying to fall asleep, all I wanted to do was call someone and talk to them. My boyfriend and I had just had an argument (the third in three days due to my emotional state) and so the last thing he wanted to do is come lay in bed with me and comfort me or listen to me anymore. And I can’t say I blame him. But it was late and I wanted to call my mom, but I didn’t want to wake her up. I ran a couple names through my head of who might be up/who might answer, but then what was I supposed to do do? Just sit on the other line and cry?? NO ONE wants to deal with that! I was asking myself “why in the world would you want to call someone when you’re a blubbering mess right now?” And then it hit me…I just wanted to be listened to.

     I just wanted to be heard. I wanted to be able to say anything I was feeling and get it off my chest…cause that’s how I feel I can move on. (Still debating on whether or not that’s really the best thing for me or not). My boyfriend didn’t want to listen cause he was frustrated and he knew that the conversation was going to go nowhere fast (and he was absolutely right). And since he was the only one in the house there was no one else to listen to me…except my two cats…which I may or may not have talked to just a little bit. But I just wanted to get what I was feeling off my chest and have someone to be there to just be there! I finally fell asleep thinking about all the things I just realized about myself and what I was going to write in this post.

     I’ve been in therapy for a few months now. I realized a while back I needed to stop venting and complaining and talking to my friends and my boyfriend and needed a third party to talk to about anything and everything. The first woman I went to asked my why I talked and complained so much…which I mean, she had a point, but uhhhmmm you’re my therapist! I’m paying you to listen to me and help me work through things. OF COURSE I’M GOING TO TALK A LOT. She after that I felt uncomfortable and like I wasn’t going to be able to express myself anymore, so I left. I just recently found a new woman who I’ve only had one session with that I already love! Everyone wants to be heard! Everyone wants to feel like their feelings and emotions matter, no matter how out of the blue or random they are. I think everyone could benefit from seeing someone and talking to someone who has no bias…even if you don’t have “problems”…that’s another stigma I will get into at another time. But it’s time to wrap this up.

    We all want to heard. I don’t care who you are or whether you think that statement is wrong…we ALL want to be listened to. Why do we have social media? Why do we post about the things we’re doing in our day or the problems we’re having? Why do we post pictures? For likes. For someone to notice. For someone to relate to you so you feel like you’ve been heard and you’re not alone. I’m just as guilty as everyone else, if not more. But we have to be careful what we say when wanting to be heard. We have to be careful not to over-speak or share our opinions when they are truly not needed or wanted. And I say all this for myself. I need to make sure I’m not letting my feelings control how I communicate. I need to make sure that my desire to be heard doesn’t cloud my judgement on what should be said. I need to be sure that what comes out of my mouth doesn’t get in the way of my job, my relationship or my life. It’s ok to want to be heard, but make sure what people are hearing is truly worth saying.

Xoxo,

Mo

Uncategorized

You’re Allowed To…

I’ve been struggling lately with friendships (or lack thereof) and how to deal with them. I just finished my 7th week at my new job. The first week or two friends from my old job texted me, asking me how it was going and all that good stuff…but I was pretty astonished with how few actually made an effort to talk to me. Like literally maybe two people. As the weeks went on it was as if I didn’t exist anymore. Nobody texted me, no one reached out to me asking how I was doing, not even the few girls I would have told you were my closest friends! Yea I was invited on FB to some “everyone is invited to go out on this day” type of things, but that was it. Usually, I’m the type of person to text you just cause. I’ll text you something completely random or if I haven’t talked to you in a while I’ll hit you up asking how things have been. But lately, I’ve been fed up!

I’ve been SO sick of being the one to always text someone first and realizing that if I don’t, I just won’t hear from people. I’m sick of inviting people places and then not being invited when they do something (it especially sucks when i’m like “hey we should do this some time” and then I see that person doing exactly what I suggested with someone else.) This is not me trying to throw a pity party and whine…I do my fair share of that in real life! This is me sharing what I saw recently that has changed my mind about how to handle situations like this. I saw this quote listed below and after reading it I realized I don’t have to be the one to always reach out to someone. I can let a one-sided friendship die and not feel guilty about it. I can choose to do whatever I please and I hope after reading this you feel empowered to do the same.

“You’re allowed to leave.”

I saw that as a title to an article and it really got my mind going. I have yet to read the article, but I plan to. Nevertheless, it has made me really think. You are allowed to leave. Read that again…you’re allowed to leave. Say it out loud. Maybe to you it doesn’t mean that much. Maybe you already know damn well you’re allowed to do whatever you want in life. If that’s you, then this post probably isn’t for you. This is for the people pleasers, the overthinkers and the anxiety ridden people of the world…people like me.

Often times I find I need to remind myself that I don’t have to do everything to make everyone else happy. I used to feel bad for saying “no” when someone asked me to hang out or to do something that I didn’t really want to do. You might think this sounds a little contrary to me being unhappy that my “friends” act like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. But it’s not. I’m allowed to say no if I don’t feel like hanging out with someone who doesn’t seem to really care about me. I don’t have to feel guilty for not texting someone first who hasn’t even tried to get in contact with me. I don’t need to feel pressured to do something with someone because if I don’t they might throw in my face that they invited me (after complaining about never being invited anywhere) and I chose not to join. I don’t need people like that in my life anyways. I’ve already addressed how I feel about people who throw insecurities back in your face in Trust Issues…

But anywho, I’m not saying that I run around purposely ditching people or hurting people’s feelings, but if it comes down to my happiness vs someone else’s, I’m allowed to choose mine. That doesn’t mean that it’s right to completely forget that other people have feelings, because you don’t want to be heartless. What it does mean is that you have the power to dictate your own happiness. Life is short. There is no room for you to do things that don’t bring you happiness. If you would rather sit at home and read a good book instead of going to the bar with your friends, read that book! You don’t have to feel badly for not wanting to do what everyone else wants to do. If you’re not into drinking or smoking and you realize that’s what a lot of your current friends do, it’s ok to distance yourself from that negative influence. You do not have to live to make sure everyone else is happy. YOU need to be happy.

It’s not always easy to recognize the negativity in life, and it’s even harder to be strong enough to cut it out of your life. I want to be clear that I’m not talking about treating people poorly “cause you can.” That’s not what any of this is about. And if that is what you do with your life, that’s up to you…but you probably have no real friends and that’s probably why. Anyways…life needs to be more about surrounding yourself with people who bring positivity into your world. People who actually care about you and check in on you. It’s ok to not be friends with someone because you find their energy to be toxic. There are many people I have worked with in the serving industry that I find extremely negative and I couldn’t wait to get away from them. It’s ok to end a relationship because you’re not happy. It’s ok to put your happiness above other people’s! Maybe I sound redundant. And maybe you’re reading this and you’re like “duh Moriah…” But for me it’s not an easy thing to remember all the time. I find myself feeling guilty sometimes for saying “no I don’t really want to go to the bar tonight” and having no other reasoning that “I don’t feel like it” and that is ok! I am allowed to go home and watch movies with my boyfriend even though I live with him and technically see him every day, if that’s what makes me happy. I’m allowed to invite certain people over to my house to hang out and not others, if that’s what makes me happy. I’m also allowed to put others first, IF THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

I’m allowed to walk away.

But honestly i’m allowed to do a lot of things…if that’s what makes me happy.

 

Xoxo

Mo