friends, Love, Uncategorized

To the Best Friend that Never Lasted…

I’ve seen these all over Facebook, so I decided I would do my own. Here goes:

Dear Best Friend,

     I miss you. There truly was a time when I thought we would stay friends forever. We would be in each other’s wedding. Our kids would grow up playing together and be best friends just like us. We would have book club together- sip on some wine and gossip together about our old friends and where they ended up. A lot of things would have changed in our lives, but not our friendship.

     I envisioned us going off to college and then getting into trouble over the summers in between. Or if we didn’t meet until college, I saw us partying all the time on the weekends and making hilarious memories that we would never forget. We would truly live for the nights that we can’t remember with the people that we won’t forget. And we did. We did that. But then the whole growing up and changing thing got in the way. You were more concerned with partying and meeting new men when I was starting a new relationship and trying to grow up. Or maybe I was too busy focusing on my new relationship that I let us die. Maybe I let issues of the past or insecurities creep up and never got over some things. We realized we each had different priorities and stopped making sure we included each other . Or maybe neither one of us did anything wrong, we just grew…apart.

     You have a new best friend now. She stole my title. I feel like the jealous ex-girlfriend who is wondering what she has that I didn’t. Why she is worth your time and and I wasn’t? Sounds silly, really. But I guess that’s what happens when someone finds a best friend. You love them like a sister, fight with them like a boyfriend and stick up for them like they’re family. So it sucks waking up and realizing that you’re not that person anymore. I will never have a chance of being your maid of honor. We will never go on a double date with our husbands. I won’t have you to call when I find out I’m pregnant. You won’t bring me over ice cream when i’m having a bad day. I will never vacation to florida with you with our kids. There are so many nevers, but I wish you well, still.

     No matter what happened or where we are now, I wish you the best. We probably had a fight or fell out somehow, but I still wish I was there for you. I still wish we could go back to those college weekends and play beer pong together on more time. I wish we could have one more bonfire or jump in the lake late one summer night. Most importantly I wish I could still call you or text you at any time and know you would answer. It’s hard not having that one person to call randomly and vent to or someone to text anything that pops into your mind. I wish there was still the prospect of our kids knowing each other and building a bond that we once had…but that’s not real anymore.

     One day you were a huge part of my life and I never knew what I would do without you. Now I’ve been without you for years and I’ve survived, but it still sucks. If you’re reading this and you know you used to be best friend at one point (Lord knows there’s a lot of you cause I never seemed to be able to keep a “best friend”), I want to take this time to apologize for any pain I may have caused you. I want to let you know that the times I had with you were truly some of the best. I want you to know that I still think about our memories and laugh to myself. I still tell our stories to people that I am friends with now. And if I was the reason we grew apart, I wish I hadn’t. If the reason we stopped talking was because I was bad at keeping in touch, I believe it, and I’m sorry. If you used to be my best friend, I love you. You will always have a spot in my heart and if you were ever in trouble and you called on me, I wouldn’t hesitate to be there. I hope your life is everything you dreamed of and more. If I was only meant to be a small part of it, then I’m honored to have at least gotten that much. You’re beautiful and strong and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not. Maybe one day our paths with cross again. So maybe it’s not that we never lasted; maybe it’s just a gap in our story…only time will tell.

Xoxo,

Mo