Uncategorized, Wellness

Accountability Check-in

I feel like I’m being kind of dishonest with my readers (all 20-40 of you). I post a lot about things I have dealt with/still deal with and then I’ve posted about things I’ve overcome. I posted not that long ago about yoga and how much I loved and it changed my life. Well…I haven’t done yoga in about 2+ months. Frankly, I haven’t done much at all…

Being a full time student while working a full time job has really been kicking my butt. I go to work, come home, take a little break and then do homework for the rest of the night. Like, I’m not exaggerating at all. The only thing I really take time out of studying to do is cook dinner or clean up the house. But lately though I haven’t even really been doing much cleaning! Thank God my boyfriend is so amazing and helpful when it comes to keeping our house clean! I truly don’t know what I would do without him. Actually I do…I’d eat mac and cheese every day and live in a pig-pen.

I’ve been doing really well in school….I have a 4.0 right now! So I mean, that’s awesome. But I am still struggling. Some of the assignments are actually fun (never knew I’d be saying that). But some of them seem completely pointless and solely time consuming. I spend about 3+ hours a day doing homework…it is my life. But I work that hard during the week so I can have my weekends free, that is the only break I get. I’ve always liked having a busy schedule, and I truly do! But when I feel like all I do all day is eat, sleep and sit on my butt, I’m starting to get a little discouraged.

I don’t think I lost any weight while doing yoga, but I definitely toned up and that had me super excited and motivated to break out of the yoga studio and start lifting and getting fit. Well then my knees started bothering me. Then I didn’t have the money to sign up for the gym I wanted. Then I started school. Now I’m too busy to go to the gym. And even if I’m technically not too busy, I literally feel like I’m wasting my time if I’m not doing homework. I’m gaining weight because I sit at work for 8 hours then come home and sit again while I’m doing homework. I feel like I barely have time to shower and/or I’m literally too tired to do anything else other than go to sleep. I wake up still exhausted. I barely have the motivation to do my makeup anymore (which makes me just as shocked as it makes you)! I just feel like a lump. That is the best way to describe me right now.

In addition to all that, the holidays are coming up…my favorite time of year!! But as I’ve gotten older, it’s started to become more stressful. I don’t make as much as I want. And right now I am a temp (which hopefully will be changing sooner rather than later…fingers crossed!!!) which means I don’t get paid holidays or paid days off. That wasn’t really an issue until now. I have a mandatory 5 unpaid days off for a time of year where my favorite thing to do is buy people things. I also live 10+ hours away from home and like to get to visit my family every once in a while. So that means taking more unpaid days off to travel to Vermont. Which also means either paying for a plane ticket or gas money. Which means I have to charge my credit card because like I said, I don’t have as much money as I’d like. And that also means not only am I spending money, I’m spending money while I’m not making it. My ULTIMATE stressor.

I know not everything is always rainbows and sunshine. I also know that there are people WAY worse off than I and I should be thankful that I have a family that loves me that I get to spend the holidays with. I’m not writing this for sympathy or as a pity party. I’m writing this to keep it real with y’all. This blog has specifically been about me being honest with myself and my readers. And honestly, I’m tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I work really hard and yet I don’t feel that I get rewarded the way I should. I really hate being an adult sometimes. Life is hard!! It’s fun at times, exciting and new, but also exhausting and stressful.

I wish all of you happy holidays! I wish all of you joy and happy memories. I hope that any tragedy that overshadows your life may be overpowered by good memories. But if you’re not quite in the holiday spirit. If you’re a little anxious about it, just know you’re not alone. We can try to focus on our blessings together! We can focus on the good and know that everything happens for a reason and it’ll all work out in the end. Cliche after cliche, but nonetheless somewhat comforting.

Xoxo,

Mo

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Here’s to New Adventures…

Hello everyone. If any of you have been paying close attention (which I don’t expect you to) I had been posting every other Wednesday for maybe a month. All of that came to a screeching halt last week. Why? Because I did this crazy thing. I became a full time student again! (Cue the gasps). 

Last Wednesday was supposed to be my day to drop something, but I think I stayed up til about 11:00 at night working on school work after working all day. This whole being a full time student while working a full time job terrifies me. I was to give props to anyone who works and goes to school and has kids! I can barely take care of myself! I had to go through a drive through just because I literally did not have time to go home and cook myself anything. That and I was so hungry I thought I was going to pass out. Taco Bell might appreciate me before this course is over… 

But anyways, here I am taking three classes at once which qualifies me as a full time student while working 40 hours a week. Normally I didn’t have a lot going on after work so it’s not like I didn’t have time to take this on, I guess. Tonight I just completed my first week and I have already decided that my goal is to accomplish as much school work during the week as possible so that I can still have a weekend. So essentially I am going to do it the opposite way I did in college. So far it’s working…who knew!?

What makes all of this just a little scarier is the reason why I’m doing this. I have a great job right now and every day I am fortunate to have been given the chance to work at such a great company. But it is not ever what I thought I would be doing. I have a Bachelors in Pre-Law and I’m working at an engineering company. That proves two facts: 1) you never know where life will take you and 2) getting your “dream job” after college isn’t as easy as it should be. 

The position I have at this billion dollar company is an entry level position. I had never done anything like it before. I got the job through a temp agency I had joined just a few weeks before. Like I said, it fell into my lap and I feel extremely lucky! But why is it that I can get a job that I’ve never done anything like before but I can’t get a job that I went to school for? That is the question that will haunt me for a long time.

Since my sophomore year in college, I was pretty sure I wanted to be a paralegal. I don’t really know anyone who is a paralegal, but after my internship at the State’s Attorney’s’ Office in Middlebury, VT, I knew that I did not want to be a lawyer or go to law school, but I did want to be in that environment. So becoming a paralegal became my goal. My last year of college I took many electives from other schools specifically about becoming a paralegal to better myself for the future. It didn’t matter. I don’t know if I was looking in the wrong places or I wasn’t doing the right thing, but for YEARS, I got no looks from any law offices or positions I applied for. I didn’t even get an email back from most places. So I stopped looking. I settled to be a server for far too long and gave up hope….to some extent. I was sick of hearing no, or not even hearing anything at all. I didn’t understand why my PRE-LAW degree wasn’t enough for these positions whose requirements were associates degrees. 

I started to wonder if my qualifications were too broad. Unless they looked into my actual transcript, they would have no idea how much experience I actually had. I even had a letter of recommendation from a State Attorney, but apparently that wasn’t enough either. So last year I knew I wanted to go back to school and finally get my paralegal certificate. It had been on my bucket list for years, but if Ihad gotten a job without having to go back to school, that would have been the ideal situation. But that didn’t happen. And I needed to make myself more marketable as well as more qualified. So here I am…getting that damn certificate!!

There are a few things that make me still a little nervous though.What if I spend all this time and money taking these classes and no one wants me still? What if for some reason they don’t want to hire me because I’m over qualified and they don’t want to pay me more? I really don’t want this to all be for a waste. There is no real guarantee this is going to work. I only have hopes and dreams at this point. And then there is the fact that I should have been able to get a job without even going through this and that will forever haunt me. I know someone who knows someone who is a paralegal and she went to school for health administration. And she has my dream job! And she didn’t even try!!! Why?? Family in the law field. It’s not fair. I still struggle with knowing that and knowing I’m getting $10,000 more tacked on to my student loans to be more “qualified” to work a job I know damn well I could already be doing. It’s hard. And to make matters worse, this week I got a response from a professor to my introduction post in the discussion forum online saying that she was amazed I didn’t have a job already as the best paralegal she had was a pre-law degree holder. 

Because of those things I find I’m struggling to stay positive. It seems like I shouldn’t have to be doing this. BUT I am bettering myself. I am going above and beyond to get where I want to go in life. I wouldn’t consider myself someone with a lot of drive. I don’t have a ton of crazy big goals. I am so NOT the vision board type. I live day to day and simply hope I can make it through without taking a nap! Even with my doubts and my slight lack of positivity, I remain that much more motivated to get this done and over with. It is only 9 months of my life. I can do it. And I will do my absolute best….I don’t settle for mediocrity. While I go on this adventure, I would appreciate all the prayers and positive vibes and encouragement any of you have. This is SO out of. my comfort zone. My biggest hope is that one day this all pays off and I can do what i am so passionate about….save the world one case at a time.

Xoxo,

Mo

Uncategorized

Presentation is Everything

Presentation. It is literally everything in life. What makes you want to buy a burger at a restaurant? Other than the fact that burgers are AHMAZING, it could be because of that giant picture they posted in the menu with the meaty cheese and colorful veggies. Why might you risk the extra calories to get that huge piece of chocolate cake? Maybe because it is shown with swirls of chocolate and whip cream. Why do we want fancy cars? Cause they look fancy and rich!! And there’s nothing wrong with wanting something that looks nice or is well presented. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to present yourself in a nice way either. But what you might not realize, is that presentation is everything. Whether or not that burger actually looks like the picture once you get it, it attracted you. Whether or not that cake was super dry and flavorless doesn’t mean you didn’t look at that picture and want it. Just because you portray yourself a certain way, doesn’t mean that is necessarily exactly who you are. Which is why you need to make sure you’re presenting yourself in a way that truly represents who you are.

Business presentation. I think people these days forget about how important it is for you to present yourself in a professional manner…if you’re going into a professional position. I want tattoos. I want piercings, but I don’t always get them where I want to because I know that going into the legal field they might not want someone with all kinds of tattoos. I know it is 2017, and I would like to think that we are past these sort of things being a real issues, but I also don’t want to jeopardize any chance I have getting my dream job. I see so many people these days that don’t think about that. Young kids getting tattoos all over their bodies. Getting all kinds of facial piercings and they have no idea what they might be doing to their future. Also social media…if you are constantly posting videos of you drunk or smoking or out at clubs constantly, that might not be a good look. Despite what your privacy settings are and despite you “not being friends with” your employer, there are ways! Trust me..I have lived them. I have been targeted and had my social media used against me. But I have also been reckless and posted things I shouldn’t have and paid for it. So take my advice- present yourself as someone an employer would be proud of.

Personal presentation. To me the most important presentation is of yourself. How do you present yourself online? How do you present yourself to co workers? How do you present yourself to the world? I’m not saying worry about what everyone thinks of you, but perhaps keep it in the back of your mind. Not in a sense that people need to understand you or that all of their opinions are of the utmost importance, but how they see you can definitely affect your future! You might not get a job because of how you presented yourself at the interview. You might not date the guy you wanted to date because of how you portrayed yourself on the first date. Maybe the guy who always liked you changed his mind when he saw how you acted on Snapchat. Maybe you lose your job because of something you said on Twitter. That might sound silly, but I’ve seen it happen. I have seen girls complain about the men that they date and how they treat them like crap and I just want to scream “IT’S NOT JUST THEM IT’S YOU!!!” Think about it. If you present yourself as a very sexual object, that is the type of man you are going to attract. Men with class and respect aren’t going to want to waste their time with you. I say this because I know this from experience.

I struggled with feeling ugly my entire life until one day I went to college and woke up and it was like whoa why are men paying attention to me!? I was very innocent….like VERY. And I was also too trusting and pretty naive…aka dumb! I started getting the attention I had always wanted. So I started to feed into it. I slowly but surely pushed my boundaries until there weren’t any anymore. I wouldn’t say I walked around campus with a shirt on that said “give me the D,” but I found out later that i definitely had a reputation. And being at a Christian college, that made the reputation 10 times worse. Girls were coming to me saying they heard I’d slept with all these guys that I’d never even been with! Anyways…I played into any attention I could get. I will be the first one to say that I was easy at the time. I was desperate for the attention I felt like I never got and I wanted to soak it all up. I wanted to feel wanted. However, due to the fact that Ipresented myself as convenient, I was NEVER the only girl. Not once…not until the official start of my current relationship. And everything I put myself through has messed me up for years. I am paying for the damage those guys caused me, but I know that it is also on me. I let them use me. I’d say I even wanted to be used…until I didn’t. But at that point it was almost too late. I had a reputation. The damage was done. The guys on campus never saw me as girlfriend material and my real hope of finding a boyfriend was crush.

During those years, some of my extended family took it upon themselves to get in contact with me and my family. They would send me emails in which they essentially called me a whore or promiscuous. My uncle actually toldl me that I looked like a prostitute on Facebook. Now…they were completely in the wrong for saying that and I didn’t agree AT ALL. But that just goes to show just how serious how you present yourself can be. I didn’t think I posted anything wrong on Facebook, but they literally showed me pictures of mine and told me their interpretation. I knew my motives behind the innocent selfies and the pictures with my girlfriends. I knew that yes, I was struggling with handling the relationships I had. And it hurt, but it didn’t affect my life. They’re no longer a part of my life and that’s on them. I didn’t change how I presented myself on social media, it just opened my eyes to just how open to interpretation things you post online can be! It was shocking to say the least. But due to my experience with men, I know I hadn’t known my worth and I wasn’t presenting myself as the great girl I knew deep down that i was.

Presentation is everything. I’ve almost lost jobs due to what i’ve posted online. I’ve been called slutty for posting pictures with cleavage showing. I was the “other woman” more times than not because I didn’t show I was worth anything. I hold responsibility for all these things, but that doesn’t meant what everyone else has said and done has been right either. The bottom line is, if I had believed in myself and been confident in who I was, I would have naturally presented myself that way. I think things would have been a lot different for me if I had presented myself differently. And I think that things could be different for you if you take a step back and ask yourself: how do I present myself? Am I constantly negative? Do I come across as unapproachable? Do I seem desperate? Am I showing myself as someone who deserves all the best in life? Or am I settling and allowing myself to be used cause I don’t think I can do better? Presentation is everything…so present yourself like the king or queen that you are go out there and kill it!

Xoxo,

Mo

Introduction

Nice to meet you…

Hello,

For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Moriah. But most of you probably know me cause I can’t imagine anyone who doesn’t know me would care much about what I have to say. At least not yet…

So…believe it or not, I’ve been wanting to start a blog for years. At first what stopped me was the fact that when you write a blog and you share personal experiences, people know more about you. And that’s kind of scary! There are things I don’t want my family or my coworkers or my friends to know about me, but at the same time, I feel the need to share. So once I got over that and realized I don’t care what people think about me, it seemed like everyone and their mother was starting a blog. I’ve always grown up not wanting to be like everyone else or seem like a follower. But by purposely NOT doing something because everyone else is, is still letting others affect your decisions. So here I am, it’s February 7, 2017 right now and I’m writing this…I’m writing this intro that will one day, hopefully in the near future, be my first blog post. We shall see.

Someone asked me what I was going to write about…and honestly I didn’t know the answer. The short answer was, well…me! But I was almost embarrassed to even say that. Like, who out there really cares about this random girl from Vermont who is (was!!) a server that lives in Oh Continue reading “Nice to meet you…”