me

Hello Again…

Hi everyone!!

It’s been a while. It’s been a LONG while. And a lot has changed in the many months I have been out of touch. I am a new person. And I love this person. But before I get ahead of myself, let me give you the 411 on what has happened and what is still happening:

I am still in school (EW) hence the lack of blog posts, BUT I only have 5 weeks left.*insert praise hands* But who’s counting!? School is about the only thing that is still the same in my life.

I think the last thing I posted talked about how I had quit yoga, well I started back up again and then quit again…but for a real reason this time! I was about to go on a vacation and I put on my swim suits and that was the defining moment that changed my life. Dramatic? Obviously. But the truth? Absolutely! I was SO shocked with how the girl in front of me looked and never wanted to see her again. From that moment on I decided I HAD to change. I was approaching 200 lbs and had essentially let myself completely go. I was eating like CRAP, I got sick 3 times this winter and I never get sick, so I was clearly also unhealthy. I was already back at yoga at that point, but that wasn’t going to cut it. I went on a very strict diet the month before my vacation because I’ll be damned if I was a whale amongst fish on that beach. I went to yoga three times a week and cut out carbs almost all together. I lost 15 lbs in one month. And I did it the healthy way, I promise! I just had that much to lose simply from eating healthy. That was the first big change.

So I went on vacation, had an amazing time, got tan, ate some good food, then came back ready to work. Unfortunately I can’t afford a yoga membership and a gym membership, so I quit yoga and signed up for my first ever gym membership!!!! I was so nervous but also super excited to see what was to come. I went from the girl who lived off of Mac and cheese, pizza and fried chicken, to the girl that checked the nutrition facts on EVERYTHING before buying or consuming any food and worrying about when I was going to be able to make it to the gym nex. That was the second big change.

It has been almost 3 months since the “diet” started. (I hate the word diet cause it has the connotation that it is temporary…this healthy eating, healthy living, is not something I plan on quitting.) It has been about 6 weeks since I have been in the gym. Add it has been 4 weeks since I started my new job!! That’s right….I now work in a law office, doing what I said I always wanted to do!! It’s a funny story really. I was bored at work one day and and took legit like 15 minutes and sent out 4 resumes. I still don’t remember where l sent them. Indeed, LinkedIn, google and maybe like LegalAid. I can’t even remember. Next thing you know, I get a call (while im at the gym…cause I WORK OUT!) and it is a woman asking me to come interview for a position. I was like uhhhhh…..sure!? (Ok so I actually thought about it for a couple hours. Leaving Timken was the hardest choice I’ve had to make in a while!)

Anyways, I went to the interview and was hoping to hate it, so that I wouldn’t have to make the decision whether to leave Timken or not. But I didn’t hate it. It was small, pretty and seemed like the perfect starting paralegal/legal assistant job. So…I had to take it! I made that decision over a month ago. I work at a law firm….THAT’S FREAKING CRAZY!!! Literally 8 years in the making and now I can actually say I am on the journey to my future career! So wild!

Ok,I know I said that was going to be short, but I guess there was a lot to catch up on. Life is absolutely great! It is truly amazing how different I feel after choosing to live healthier, take care of myself and choose positivity every day. I have found myself smiling for absolutely no reason at all. Don’t get me wrong, bad days still happen! But my relationship has been at an all time high, my overall self happiness has skyrocketed. I find reason to smile more often. I have become so secure and confident in my life it’s fantastic. I am not perfect, nor is my life. But I truly feel like I have reached such a high in life!

I have so many people to thank for that. If you’re reading, let me shout you out real quick: to my Hot Momma Judy at work who inspired me to eat healthy and stay healthy once I made that decision. I hope I’m half as bangin’ as she is when I’m a mom! To my brother at work who called me a bowl of mashed potatoes (best inside joke ever) but has been there to encourage me and also make me look great by never successfully giving up carbs himself hehe! To my sister who hypes me up whenever she get the chance. To my little brother who has always been my biggest fan. To my college/high school/old job/family friends who keep me accountable but who also remind me I’m beautiful and tell me what im doing is inspiring and that they’re so proud of me for it. And last but not least, for my boyfriend, who has ALWAYS told me I was beautiful no matter what I looked like. Who still loves me even though I never cook for myself cause I live off meat and cheese, fruits and veggies while he still gets to eat pizza 😦 and who encourages me and reminds me that it’s ok not to be the strongest person at the gym because everyone has to start somewhere. I love you.

It’s been quite the turn around for me. I used to be so negative. I was that girl that could sit and bitch and complain about anything and everything in my life. Now I can’t stand negative energy. I have no space for drama. And I have no problem letting things go. Like I said, I’ll never be perfect, nor will my life. But this thing I got goin on right now, I’m totally ok with it 🙂

Xoxo,

Mo

Photo depicts only a few of the many smiles over the past few months ❤

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Wellness

Namaste.

Yoga.
When you read that word, what comes to mind?

When I was younger I thought yoga was for weird, organic, granola-crunchy people who worshiped the earth and Mother Nature. I thought it was for tiny little rich put together women that were too dainty to go to a gym and sweat. I thought of women in a park saying “oooooom” with their legs crossed on their mats. And maybe some of the people who do practice yoga carry some of those characteristics, but I have learned SO much more about the practice and about myself in the past few months.

I can’t pinpoint a time where I was like “Yes! I want to start doing yoga!!” But suddenly I found myself wanting to try it. I had gotten over my childish views of yoga, but I still hadn't fully grasped what it would really be like. I just knew that part of yoga was about relaxation and meditation. I’m not someone who likes to run or go to the gym and get on a treadmill. I’m also intimidated by the strong men and girls with perfect bodies over in the weight section of the gym so that wasn’t an option either. And I definitely didn't want to be one of those weirdos in jeans (it’s a joke) that only uses the machines cause I didn’t know what I was doing. Zumba took off when I wasn't in college but I wasn’t too good at organized “dancing.” So…yoga!

When I finally decided to go and when I finally found someone that I could go with (shout out to you, you know who you are!!), I walked in thinking it was going to be a lot of ‘oooooms’ and slow moving poses that you held for a while and then moved on. I didn't think it was going to be a crazy work out or that I would leave dripping in sweat. I certainly did not think I was going to be sore the next day….or 4. Boy was I wrong!!

My first time at yoga was a MESS!! I hadn't realized how weak I actually was. My muscles were tight, my strength was at an all time low and my poor wrists were not used to holding up my full sized 5’10” body! But amongst all the heavy breathing and flopping to the mat, I realized quickly that I was going to love this practice. I loved that I had a real human being who knew what they were doing there in the room with me that I could ask questions to and that could help align me. I loved that it wasn’t perhaps as rigorous as a gym workout but it was still intense enough to break a sweat and get my heart rate up. But maybe what I loved the most was the acceptance I felt from everyone in the room. I had never felt so comfortable in my own skin and my own strength, however weak it may have been.

I used to think that yoga was for a certain type of person or a certain body type or even a certain age. Over the past three months I have practiced with old and young, big and small, male and female. I have practiced with girls who obviously knew what they were doing and then girls that looked at me to mirror my work. I have learned so much about the whole art of yoga and loved every part of it.

What I didn't really notice coming into this was that in yoga there is a huge focus on breath. You start off the class slow so you can find your breath and your resting heart rate. From there every movement can be cued by breath. You breathe in for cow and breathe out for cat. You slow your breath down in child's pose to regain control after doing rounds of warriors and three legged dogs. At the end (which is everyone’s favorite part, only second to china gel), you lay on your back with your arms out, palms up for Shavasana- the final resting pose. During that time you empty your mind of everything. The overall goal during yoga is to focus on nothing but your breathing because when you focus on that, you really can’t focus on anything else. So while you are in that final resting pose you are supposed to be as still as possible and think about nothing but positivity. That was the hardest part of yoga for me. The poses are tough, the sweat gets in the way, the soreness of my body slows me down, but focusing on nothing but my breath is my biggest challenge.

What some of you might not know is that I have a tattoo on my side that says breathe. I got that tattoo years ago because whenever I would get in my head and start stressing about something I had to remind myself to breathe. I’ve had panic attacks and the only way to stop having a panic attack to focus on your breath. And whenever I was upset my boyfriend would comfort me by telling me that it was going to be ok and to just breathe. There were so many reasons behind the tattoo, and now it feels even more meaningful to me now as I continue to practice yoga.

My goal is to get stronger- physically, mentally and spiritually. Physically I have certainly noticed changes! My legs are starting to look nicer and more defined while my arms…well I found I had this cool muscle called a tricep!! I also have more stamina to work through all the physicality of an hour of yoga without feeling like I was going to die 10 minutes into class. Spiritually I have found myself becoming in tune with who I am. And maybe to some of you that sounds like a bunch of hullabaloo, but it’s the truth. I spend an hour thinking of nothing but the air i'm breathing! If that doesn't give you a better appreciation for life and the One who gave it to you then I don’t know what does! It makes me thankful to have the body that I have. Yoga reminds me how amazing the human body is and just how miraculously it works together to allow us to move. As for mentally, I have gotten a whole new outlook on myself. I feel more confident than ever in my body! Don't get me wrong, it’s not perfect and I am nowhere near as healthy as I should be, but I’m proud. Im proud of myself for trying something new. Im proud of myself for sticking with it and not giving up. And I’m SO happy with the small results that I see that it actually makes me want to do even more with my fitness and well being. It’s going to be a long road before I can give up mac and cheese and pizza, but at least I am active a few times a week when before the most active thing I did was walk from my car and up the stairs to my desk!

Yoga.
When I hear that word now I smile and I get excited because it is one of the first things I have ever done for myself that has actually helped grow. It has made me more aware of who I am and what I can do. It has boosted my self confidence and yet at the same time showed me areas that need improvement. Yoga is an exercise that I actually look forward to and don’t dread. And what makes everything even better is how people support me while I do this. My parents and my boyfriend are so proud of me for doing this and that means the world to me!

So if there is something out there that you have wanted to try but just haven’t found the time yet, DO IT! Budget it out so you can afford it. Schedule your week so that you can fit it in. Stop making excuses and just do it!!! (I am not being paid by Nike to say that…although it would be nice if I was.) It took me 2 years to try something new!! I get the nerves and I get the doubts! But trust me…it will all be worth it in the end! So go “unroll your mat” and just see where that takes you!

Namaste,

Mo