me

Hello Again…

Hi everyone!!

It’s been a while. It’s been a LONG while. And a lot has changed in the many months I have been out of touch. I am a new person. And I love this person. But before I get ahead of myself, let me give you the 411 on what has happened and what is still happening:

I am still in school (EW) hence the lack of blog posts, BUT I only have 5 weeks left.*insert praise hands* But who’s counting!? School is about the only thing that is still the same in my life.

I think the last thing I posted talked about how I had quit yoga, well I started back up again and then quit again…but for a real reason this time! I was about to go on a vacation and I put on my swim suits and that was the defining moment that changed my life. Dramatic? Obviously. But the truth? Absolutely! I was SO shocked with how the girl in front of me looked and never wanted to see her again. From that moment on I decided I HAD to change. I was approaching 200 lbs and had essentially let myself completely go. I was eating like CRAP, I got sick 3 times this winter and I never get sick, so I was clearly also unhealthy. I was already back at yoga at that point, but that wasn’t going to cut it. I went on a very strict diet the month before my vacation because I’ll be damned if I was a whale amongst fish on that beach. I went to yoga three times a week and cut out carbs almost all together. I lost 15 lbs in one month. And I did it the healthy way, I promise! I just had that much to lose simply from eating healthy. That was the first big change.

So I went on vacation, had an amazing time, got tan, ate some good food, then came back ready to work. Unfortunately I can’t afford a yoga membership and a gym membership, so I quit yoga and signed up for my first ever gym membership!!!! I was so nervous but also super excited to see what was to come. I went from the girl who lived off of Mac and cheese, pizza and fried chicken, to the girl that checked the nutrition facts on EVERYTHING before buying or consuming any food and worrying about when I was going to be able to make it to the gym nex. That was the second big change.

It has been almost 3 months since the “diet” started. (I hate the word diet cause it has the connotation that it is temporary…this healthy eating, healthy living, is not something I plan on quitting.) It has been about 6 weeks since I have been in the gym. Add it has been 4 weeks since I started my new job!! That’s right….I now work in a law office, doing what I said I always wanted to do!! It’s a funny story really. I was bored at work one day and and took legit like 15 minutes and sent out 4 resumes. I still don’t remember where l sent them. Indeed, LinkedIn, google and maybe like LegalAid. I can’t even remember. Next thing you know, I get a call (while im at the gym…cause I WORK OUT!) and it is a woman asking me to come interview for a position. I was like uhhhhh…..sure!? (Ok so I actually thought about it for a couple hours. Leaving Timken was the hardest choice I’ve had to make in a while!)

Anyways, I went to the interview and was hoping to hate it, so that I wouldn’t have to make the decision whether to leave Timken or not. But I didn’t hate it. It was small, pretty and seemed like the perfect starting paralegal/legal assistant job. So…I had to take it! I made that decision over a month ago. I work at a law firm….THAT’S FREAKING CRAZY!!! Literally 8 years in the making and now I can actually say I am on the journey to my future career! So wild!

Ok,I know I said that was going to be short, but I guess there was a lot to catch up on. Life is absolutely great! It is truly amazing how different I feel after choosing to live healthier, take care of myself and choose positivity every day. I have found myself smiling for absolutely no reason at all. Don’t get me wrong, bad days still happen! But my relationship has been at an all time high, my overall self happiness has skyrocketed. I find reason to smile more often. I have become so secure and confident in my life it’s fantastic. I am not perfect, nor is my life. But I truly feel like I have reached such a high in life!

I have so many people to thank for that. If you’re reading, let me shout you out real quick: to my Hot Momma Judy at work who inspired me to eat healthy and stay healthy once I made that decision. I hope I’m half as bangin’ as she is when I’m a mom! To my brother at work who called me a bowl of mashed potatoes (best inside joke ever) but has been there to encourage me and also make me look great by never successfully giving up carbs himself hehe! To my sister who hypes me up whenever she get the chance. To my little brother who has always been my biggest fan. To my college/high school/old job/family friends who keep me accountable but who also remind me I’m beautiful and tell me what im doing is inspiring and that they’re so proud of me for it. And last but not least, for my boyfriend, who has ALWAYS told me I was beautiful no matter what I looked like. Who still loves me even though I never cook for myself cause I live off meat and cheese, fruits and veggies while he still gets to eat pizza 😦 and who encourages me and reminds me that it’s ok not to be the strongest person at the gym because everyone has to start somewhere. I love you.

It’s been quite the turn around for me. I used to be so negative. I was that girl that could sit and bitch and complain about anything and everything in my life. Now I can’t stand negative energy. I have no space for drama. And I have no problem letting things go. Like I said, I’ll never be perfect, nor will my life. But this thing I got goin on right now, I’m totally ok with it 🙂

Xoxo,

Mo

Photo depicts only a few of the many smiles over the past few months ❤

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You’re Allowed To…

I’ve been struggling lately with friendships (or lack thereof) and how to deal with them. I just finished my 7th week at my new job. The first week or two friends from my old job texted me, asking me how it was going and all that good stuff…but I was pretty astonished with how few actually made an effort to talk to me. Like literally maybe two people. As the weeks went on it was as if I didn’t exist anymore. Nobody texted me, no one reached out to me asking how I was doing, not even the few girls I would have told you were my closest friends! Yea I was invited on FB to some “everyone is invited to go out on this day” type of things, but that was it. Usually, I’m the type of person to text you just cause. I’ll text you something completely random or if I haven’t talked to you in a while I’ll hit you up asking how things have been. But lately, I’ve been fed up!

I’ve been SO sick of being the one to always text someone first and realizing that if I don’t, I just won’t hear from people. I’m sick of inviting people places and then not being invited when they do something (it especially sucks when i’m like “hey we should do this some time” and then I see that person doing exactly what I suggested with someone else.) This is not me trying to throw a pity party and whine…I do my fair share of that in real life! This is me sharing what I saw recently that has changed my mind about how to handle situations like this. I saw this quote listed below and after reading it I realized I don’t have to be the one to always reach out to someone. I can let a one-sided friendship die and not feel guilty about it. I can choose to do whatever I please and I hope after reading this you feel empowered to do the same.

“You’re allowed to leave.”

I saw that as a title to an article and it really got my mind going. I have yet to read the article, but I plan to. Nevertheless, it has made me really think. You are allowed to leave. Read that again…you’re allowed to leave. Say it out loud. Maybe to you it doesn’t mean that much. Maybe you already know damn well you’re allowed to do whatever you want in life. If that’s you, then this post probably isn’t for you. This is for the people pleasers, the overthinkers and the anxiety ridden people of the world…people like me.

Often times I find I need to remind myself that I don’t have to do everything to make everyone else happy. I used to feel bad for saying “no” when someone asked me to hang out or to do something that I didn’t really want to do. You might think this sounds a little contrary to me being unhappy that my “friends” act like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. But it’s not. I’m allowed to say no if I don’t feel like hanging out with someone who doesn’t seem to really care about me. I don’t have to feel guilty for not texting someone first who hasn’t even tried to get in contact with me. I don’t need to feel pressured to do something with someone because if I don’t they might throw in my face that they invited me (after complaining about never being invited anywhere) and I chose not to join. I don’t need people like that in my life anyways. I’ve already addressed how I feel about people who throw insecurities back in your face in Trust Issues…

But anywho, I’m not saying that I run around purposely ditching people or hurting people’s feelings, but if it comes down to my happiness vs someone else’s, I’m allowed to choose mine. That doesn’t mean that it’s right to completely forget that other people have feelings, because you don’t want to be heartless. What it does mean is that you have the power to dictate your own happiness. Life is short. There is no room for you to do things that don’t bring you happiness. If you would rather sit at home and read a good book instead of going to the bar with your friends, read that book! You don’t have to feel badly for not wanting to do what everyone else wants to do. If you’re not into drinking or smoking and you realize that’s what a lot of your current friends do, it’s ok to distance yourself from that negative influence. You do not have to live to make sure everyone else is happy. YOU need to be happy.

It’s not always easy to recognize the negativity in life, and it’s even harder to be strong enough to cut it out of your life. I want to be clear that I’m not talking about treating people poorly “cause you can.” That’s not what any of this is about. And if that is what you do with your life, that’s up to you…but you probably have no real friends and that’s probably why. Anyways…life needs to be more about surrounding yourself with people who bring positivity into your world. People who actually care about you and check in on you. It’s ok to not be friends with someone because you find their energy to be toxic. There are many people I have worked with in the serving industry that I find extremely negative and I couldn’t wait to get away from them. It’s ok to end a relationship because you’re not happy. It’s ok to put your happiness above other people’s! Maybe I sound redundant. And maybe you’re reading this and you’re like “duh Moriah…” But for me it’s not an easy thing to remember all the time. I find myself feeling guilty sometimes for saying “no I don’t really want to go to the bar tonight” and having no other reasoning that “I don’t feel like it” and that is ok! I am allowed to go home and watch movies with my boyfriend even though I live with him and technically see him every day, if that’s what makes me happy. I’m allowed to invite certain people over to my house to hang out and not others, if that’s what makes me happy. I’m also allowed to put others first, IF THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

I’m allowed to walk away.

But honestly i’m allowed to do a lot of things…if that’s what makes me happy.

 

Xoxo

Mo