I’ve been struggling lately with friendships (or lack thereof) and how to deal with them. I just finished my 7th week at my new job. The first week or two friends from my old job texted me, asking me how it was going and all that good stuff…but I was pretty astonished with how few actually made an effort to talk to me. Like literally maybe two people. As the weeks went on it was as if I didn’t exist anymore. Nobody texted me, no one reached out to me asking how I was doing, not even the few girls I would have told you were my closest friends! Yea I was invited on FB to some “everyone is invited to go out on this day” type of things, but that was it. Usually, I’m the type of person to text you just cause. I’ll text you something completely random or if I haven’t talked to you in a while I’ll hit you up asking how things have been. But lately, I’ve been fed up!
I’ve been SO sick of being the one to always text someone first and realizing that if I don’t, I just won’t hear from people. I’m sick of inviting people places and then not being invited when they do something (it especially sucks when i’m like “hey we should do this some time” and then I see that person doing exactly what I suggested with someone else.) This is not me trying to throw a pity party and whine…I do my fair share of that in real life! This is me sharing what I saw recently that has changed my mind about how to handle situations like this. I saw this quote listed below and after reading it I realized I don’t have to be the one to always reach out to someone. I can let a one-sided friendship die and not feel guilty about it. I can choose to do whatever I please and I hope after reading this you feel empowered to do the same.
“You’re allowed to leave.”
I saw that as a title to an article and it really got my mind going. I have yet to read the article, but I plan to. Nevertheless, it has made me really think. You are allowed to leave. Read that again…you’re allowed to leave. Say it out loud. Maybe to you it doesn’t mean that much. Maybe you already know damn well you’re allowed to do whatever you want in life. If that’s you, then this post probably isn’t for you. This is for the people pleasers, the overthinkers and the anxiety ridden people of the world…people like me.
Often times I find I need to remind myself that I don’t have to do everything to make everyone else happy. I used to feel bad for saying “no” when someone asked me to hang out or to do something that I didn’t really want to do. You might think this sounds a little contrary to me being unhappy that my “friends” act like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. But it’s not. I’m allowed to say no if I don’t feel like hanging out with someone who doesn’t seem to really care about me. I don’t have to feel guilty for not texting someone first who hasn’t even tried to get in contact with me. I don’t need to feel pressured to do something with someone because if I don’t they might throw in my face that they invited me (after complaining about never being invited anywhere) and I chose not to join. I don’t need people like that in my life anyways. I’ve already addressed how I feel about people who throw insecurities back in your face in Trust Issues…
But anywho, I’m not saying that I run around purposely ditching people or hurting people’s feelings, but if it comes down to my happiness vs someone else’s, I’m allowed to choose mine. That doesn’t mean that it’s right to completely forget that other people have feelings, because you don’t want to be heartless. What it does mean is that you have the power to dictate your own happiness. Life is short. There is no room for you to do things that don’t bring you happiness. If you would rather sit at home and read a good book instead of going to the bar with your friends, read that book! You don’t have to feel badly for not wanting to do what everyone else wants to do. If you’re not into drinking or smoking and you realize that’s what a lot of your current friends do, it’s ok to distance yourself from that negative influence. You do not have to live to make sure everyone else is happy. YOU need to be happy.
It’s not always easy to recognize the negativity in life, and it’s even harder to be strong enough to cut it out of your life. I want to be clear that I’m not talking about treating people poorly “cause you can.” That’s not what any of this is about. And if that is what you do with your life, that’s up to you…but you probably have no real friends and that’s probably why. Anyways…life needs to be more about surrounding yourself with people who bring positivity into your world. People who actually care about you and check in on you. It’s ok to not be friends with someone because you find their energy to be toxic. There are many people I have worked with in the serving industry that I find extremely negative and I couldn’t wait to get away from them. It’s ok to end a relationship because you’re not happy. It’s ok to put your happiness above other people’s! Maybe I sound redundant. And maybe you’re reading this and you’re like “duh Moriah…” But for me it’s not an easy thing to remember all the time. I find myself feeling guilty sometimes for saying “no I don’t really want to go to the bar tonight” and having no other reasoning that “I don’t feel like it” and that is ok! I am allowed to go home and watch movies with my boyfriend even though I live with him and technically see him every day, if that’s what makes me happy. I’m allowed to invite certain people over to my house to hang out and not others, if that’s what makes me happy. I’m also allowed to put others first, IF THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
I’m allowed to walk away.
But honestly i’m allowed to do a lot of things…if that’s what makes me happy.