Hello everyone. If any of you have been paying close attention (which I don’t expect you to) I had been posting every other Wednesday for maybe a month. All of that came to a screeching halt last week. Why? Because I did this crazy thing. I became a full time student again! (Cue the gasps).
Last Wednesday was supposed to be my day to drop something, but I think I stayed up til about 11:00 at night working on school work after working all day. This whole being a full time student while working a full time job terrifies me. I was to give props to anyone who works and goes to school and has kids! I can barely take care of myself! I had to go through a drive through just because I literally did not have time to go home and cook myself anything. That and I was so hungry I thought I was going to pass out. Taco Bell might appreciate me before this course is over…
But anyways, here I am taking three classes at once which qualifies me as a full time student while working 40 hours a week. Normally I didn’t have a lot going on after work so it’s not like I didn’t have time to take this on, I guess. Tonight I just completed my first week and I have already decided that my goal is to accomplish as much school work during the week as possible so that I can still have a weekend. So essentially I am going to do it the opposite way I did in college. So far it’s working…who knew!?
What makes all of this just a little scarier is the reason why I’m doing this. I have a great job right now and every day I am fortunate to have been given the chance to work at such a great company. But it is not ever what I thought I would be doing. I have a Bachelors in Pre-Law and I’m working at an engineering company. That proves two facts: 1) you never know where life will take you and 2) getting your “dream job” after college isn’t as easy as it should be.
The position I have at this billion dollar company is an entry level position. I had never done anything like it before. I got the job through a temp agency I had joined just a few weeks before. Like I said, it fell into my lap and I feel extremely lucky! But why is it that I can get a job that I’ve never done anything like before but I can’t get a job that I went to school for? That is the question that will haunt me for a long time.
Since my sophomore year in college, I was pretty sure I wanted to be a paralegal. I don’t really know anyone who is a paralegal, but after my internship at the State’s Attorney’s’ Office in Middlebury, VT, I knew that I did not want to be a lawyer or go to law school, but I did want to be in that environment. So becoming a paralegal became my goal. My last year of college I took many electives from other schools specifically about becoming a paralegal to better myself for the future. It didn’t matter. I don’t know if I was looking in the wrong places or I wasn’t doing the right thing, but for YEARS, I got no looks from any law offices or positions I applied for. I didn’t even get an email back from most places. So I stopped looking. I settled to be a server for far too long and gave up hope….to some extent. I was sick of hearing no, or not even hearing anything at all. I didn’t understand why my PRE-LAW degree wasn’t enough for these positions whose requirements were associates degrees.
I started to wonder if my qualifications were too broad. Unless they looked into my actual transcript, they would have no idea how much experience I actually had. I even had a letter of recommendation from a State Attorney, but apparently that wasn’t enough either. So last year I knew I wanted to go back to school and finally get my paralegal certificate. It had been on my bucket list for years, but if Ihad gotten a job without having to go back to school, that would have been the ideal situation. But that didn’t happen. And I needed to make myself more marketable as well as more qualified. So here I am…getting that damn certificate!!
There are a few things that make me still a little nervous though.What if I spend all this time and money taking these classes and no one wants me still? What if for some reason they don’t want to hire me because I’m over qualified and they don’t want to pay me more? I really don’t want this to all be for a waste. There is no real guarantee this is going to work. I only have hopes and dreams at this point. And then there is the fact that I should have been able to get a job without even going through this and that will forever haunt me. I know someone who knows someone who is a paralegal and she went to school for health administration. And she has my dream job! And she didn’t even try!!! Why?? Family in the law field. It’s not fair. I still struggle with knowing that and knowing I’m getting $10,000 more tacked on to my student loans to be more “qualified” to work a job I know damn well I could already be doing. It’s hard. And to make matters worse, this week I got a response from a professor to my introduction post in the discussion forum online saying that she was amazed I didn’t have a job already as the best paralegal she had was a pre-law degree holder.
Because of those things I find I’m struggling to stay positive. It seems like I shouldn’t have to be doing this. BUT I am bettering myself. I am going above and beyond to get where I want to go in life. I wouldn’t consider myself someone with a lot of drive. I don’t have a ton of crazy big goals. I am so NOT the vision board type. I live day to day and simply hope I can make it through without taking a nap! Even with my doubts and my slight lack of positivity, I remain that much more motivated to get this done and over with. It is only 9 months of my life. I can do it. And I will do my absolute best….I don’t settle for mediocrity. While I go on this adventure, I would appreciate all the prayers and positive vibes and encouragement any of you have. This is SO out of. my comfort zone. My biggest hope is that one day this all pays off and I can do what i am so passionate about….save the world one case at a time.