I feel like I’m being kind of dishonest with my readers (all 20-40 of you). I post a lot about things I have dealt with/still deal with and then I’ve posted about things I’ve overcome. I posted not that long ago about yoga and how much I loved and it changed my life. Well…I haven’t done yoga in about 2+ months. Frankly, I haven’t done much at all…
Being a full time student while working a full time job has really been kicking my butt. I go to work, come home, take a little break and then do homework for the rest of the night. Like, I’m not exaggerating at all. The only thing I really take time out of studying to do is cook dinner or clean up the house. But lately though I haven’t even really been doing much cleaning! Thank God my boyfriend is so amazing and helpful when it comes to keeping our house clean! I truly don’t know what I would do without him. Actually I do…I’d eat mac and cheese every day and live in a pig-pen.
I’ve been doing really well in school….I have a 4.0 right now! So I mean, that’s awesome. But I am still struggling. Some of the assignments are actually fun (never knew I’d be saying that). But some of them seem completely pointless and solely time consuming. I spend about 3+ hours a day doing homework…it is my life. But I work that hard during the week so I can have my weekends free, that is the only break I get. I’ve always liked having a busy schedule, and I truly do! But when I feel like all I do all day is eat, sleep and sit on my butt, I’m starting to get a little discouraged.
I don’t think I lost any weight while doing yoga, but I definitely toned up and that had me super excited and motivated to break out of the yoga studio and start lifting and getting fit. Well then my knees started bothering me. Then I didn’t have the money to sign up for the gym I wanted. Then I started school. Now I’m too busy to go to the gym. And even if I’m technically not too busy, I literally feel like I’m wasting my time if I’m not doing homework. I’m gaining weight because I sit at work for 8 hours then come home and sit again while I’m doing homework. I feel like I barely have time to shower and/or I’m literally too tired to do anything else other than go to sleep. I wake up still exhausted. I barely have the motivation to do my makeup anymore (which makes me just as shocked as it makes you)! I just feel like a lump. That is the best way to describe me right now.
In addition to all that, the holidays are coming up…my favorite time of year!! But as I’ve gotten older, it’s started to become more stressful. I don’t make as much as I want. And right now I am a temp (which hopefully will be changing sooner rather than later…fingers crossed!!!) which means I don’t get paid holidays or paid days off. That wasn’t really an issue until now. I have a mandatory 5 unpaid days off for a time of year where my favorite thing to do is buy people things. I also live 10+ hours away from home and like to get to visit my family every once in a while. So that means taking more unpaid days off to travel to Vermont. Which also means either paying for a plane ticket or gas money. Which means I have to charge my credit card because like I said, I don’t have as much money as I’d like. And that also means not only am I spending money, I’m spending money while I’m not making it. My ULTIMATE stressor.
I know not everything is always rainbows and sunshine. I also know that there are people WAY worse off than I and I should be thankful that I have a family that loves me that I get to spend the holidays with. I’m not writing this for sympathy or as a pity party. I’m writing this to keep it real with y’all. This blog has specifically been about me being honest with myself and my readers. And honestly, I’m tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I work really hard and yet I don’t feel that I get rewarded the way I should. I really hate being an adult sometimes. Life is hard!! It’s fun at times, exciting and new, but also exhausting and stressful.
I wish all of you happy holidays! I wish all of you joy and happy memories. I hope that any tragedy that overshadows your life may be overpowered by good memories. But if you’re not quite in the holiday spirit. If you’re a little anxious about it, just know you’re not alone. We can try to focus on our blessings together! We can focus on the good and know that everything happens for a reason and it’ll all work out in the end. Cliche after cliche, but nonetheless somewhat comforting.